Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize