Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Drake has all the answers
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
