Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
