Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
