So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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