I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
