"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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