Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
