I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
