We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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