We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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