He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I think i got beer on your cat.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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