Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
