It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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