u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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