I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
