oh god the rape fog is back!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
