Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
