I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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