She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
