The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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