is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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