it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
