dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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