There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
