So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize