Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
