I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
