Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
