i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
