just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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