are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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