I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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