I cockslap morals
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
