There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
