her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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