i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
