Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
