how can u be prego again
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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