Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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