some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
