I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
