if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
