was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
