Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
