my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize