Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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