i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
