i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
