I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
