She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
