i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
