I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize