Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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