She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize