brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
