Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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