Yo dont text me then not text me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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