I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
