listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
