umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
