i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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