I heard we made out
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
