I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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