I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
