I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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