I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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