I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
